Sunday, May 13, 2012

Hi Friends!

So, I’m really awful about keeping up with this little blog. It makes me sad that I haven’t made it out to what I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be full of memories from every day or every other day. Lots of pictures of my babies and them growing up. I know how much they would love it when they get older, to come back to this space and see their entire childhood. I should be better at this. All I can do it start over again now, right?!
My business has been keeping me extremely busy. It’s going really, really well and I couldn’t ask for it to be any better! I’m so happy that I was able to put my hard work into something and watch it grow like it has. I’ve had to put a time limit on my days to ensure time spent with the kids.
There’s been one too many days gone by that I’ve been a grouchy, yelling, upset, stressed out momma. I don’t like being that way. When the kids start fussing, and whining and fighting I know it’s obviously time to stop every thing else and just spend time with them. But it’s hard for me when I’m in the middle of something and they are acting crazy. Sometimes I don’t WANT to stop what I’m doing and listen to them whine. I know its something I have to work on. I don’t have the luxury of being a working mother with a babysitter. It’s like taking your two kids to work with you every single day. It’s the most high stress situation I could possibly imagine, and I put myself in it on a daily basis. All while I’m still supposed to be the maid and chef of the house. I’m sure when they get older and Hannah goes off to school, it wont be as bad. I know I should be sad about her getting older and going to kindergarten, and I am a little sad about it.. But is it so wrong not be a teary-eyed mess about it? I’m excited for her to grow, learn and be OUT of the house for a few hours a day! I think it’s going to be great for her, and great for me and awesome for our relationship. I need some time to miss these kids. They are great, don’t get me wrong. Just slightly too attached to me because of all the time I spend with them and it makes it really hard on me. I know it’s hard on them, my working, but that is why I made myself a new schedule! So far, it really is working out SO much better on my sanity and their happiness! Struggling with  depression really hasn’t helped my situation at all. Most days I just want to sleep ALL day and never get out of bed. Or, be alone all day and do what I want when I want. How spoiled is that? I know don’t if it’s spoiled or me not being able to handle every day life…. but it’s getting better. And not from medication. Just changing around our day and making a schedule and list for everything has really helped. My husband obviously plays a big role in all of this. I don’t know if I spend enough time thanking him for how awesome he is. And how sweet he is for dealing with my craziness. I seriously get CRAZY, and he just helps. I wish I could be more like him. He’s kind, quiet, patient, sweet, helpful and so very NOT lazy like me. He always picks up the pieces when I feel like I can’t go on. I thank him for that. I hope he knows how much I need him, and that I wouldn’t be any where near where I am without him. He means the world to me. He really is the best!

This can also serve as Hannah and Noah’s letter for the month. You guys stress me out and I love you a lot!

Pictures and updates to come more often!!! Stay tuned…

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I must say it makes me feel better about feeling this way too. I'm often wishing that Makenzie was already going to kindergarten this next year. I feel bad about wishing her away, but I too "need to miss these kids." You're not alone. Praying for you to find balance between work, kids, husband, and life.